May 17th is “International Day Against Homophobia”. I sit here and reflect on my experiences with Homophobia and realize that I’ve been very lucky and haven’t experienced anything too extreme. I’ve experienced the dirty looks and the name calling..Lesbo, Dyke, Muff-diver, etc. My relationship has gone through moments of not being recognized as important as others in the family. No one cares about my Anniversary. We’re very proud of our 13 year milestone coming up in September but will I get a card like my sister does on her anniversary? No. Believe me, if we could get married in Rhode Island and it would be recognized as equal, we would..but I wonder still, even if we did get married…would I get a card? It’s those silly things that make me feel different. I know people who have experienced the extreme. I know a gay male who went into a neighborhood gay bar on a friday night to have a few drinks with friends and ended up with a hatchet in his head. A man just walked into this bar (a bar that I’ve been in), asked if it was a gay bar, started swinging a hatchet and then fired a gun at random people. Can any of you even imagine the horror? What could have stirred such hatred? This was 4 years ago…have we moved forward? Have we educated people enough? Does it help to educate? Personally, it’s helped me. I have no issues with anyone asking me questions about my relationship as long as they are truly interested in getting to know me and the questions are respectful. In the gay community, we have a responsibility…a responsibility to pave a way for the young Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered. Regardless of sexual preference, as humans walking on the same ground, if we strive to live our lives with truth, integrity, and morals…it will only make it easier for those who follow behind us. That is why it’s important to show respect to gain respect. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be who we are…because everyone, gay or straight should be the person that they’re meant to be without fear of being humiliated or violently attacked. There is NO excuse for hate and unfortunately, hate is one of those things that never seems to go away no matter how hard we try…but we have to keep trying. PRIDE. Be proud of who you are and the relationships that you have. Live in your truth. Don’t just claim to live in your truth. Gay pride is a strong action and should not be just about wearing your rainbow colors, it’s the way you feel inside and having it exude out of your pores…you will shine if you truly are proud of the person you are. Those of you who know someone who is Gay…a friend, a family member, a co-worker…be tolerant, communicate, get informed…reach out…you’ll be surprised at what you can gain. You’ll find there is no difference in our daily lives…really. I bet we have more in common than you think.
So, if you’re reading this and you’d like to join me in participating in the International Day Against Homophobia…please wear a black t-shirt on Monday, May 17th…wear the shirt, wear your pride…let’s unite and bring down the walls of hate and ignorance.
Standing there, I felt like a ghost.
An out-of-body experience looking at this person who doesn’t belong.
There…
Just an awkward moment…a moment
in my uncomfortableness
eternity
You love me
But I don’t fit in
There
Don’t say I’m crazy for thinking it
It’s fine
Don’t feel guilty
It’s fine
Neither of us is better than the other
I just move away when it happens
over where
I’m warm and cozy
There…
in my skin
I’m a fan…a fan of entertainment and entertainers. I’m a lifelong fan of Bette Midler. Since I was 17 years old and I’m 48 now…I’ve loved her. She’s been with me through the good, the bad, and the UGLY. Her music, her comedy, her films, her voice has, at times, saved me. That’s powerful…and it’s a positive because when I say “saved”…I mean, I could have turned toward the negative and instead, I lost myself in anything Bette that I could find. I remember being a teenager and going through my teenage crap…I was majorly fucked up with sexual identity issues…and then, in 1980, shortly after the success of “The Rose”, Bette’s concert film “Divine Madness” was released to theaters…it was only shown at midnight because of the explicit nature of her stage “act”. Today, it’s a Disney flick compared to what’s out there but, we’re talking 30 years ago! Anyway, I sat at every midnight showing until the movie left and I remember my exact emotions while sitting there…eyes glued to the screen as she sang. I swear, I didn’t breathe when she performed “Stay With Me”. The raw talent…her body was onstage, but her mind and spirit went somewhere else. Mine left with her. She was my drug of choice at the time because every time I left the theater, I felt better….(please watch the performance via the link below…I tried to embed it but the Veoh player sadly, won’t work with WordPress)
Bette fans call the “Live” experience a “high” (those fans out there know what I’m talkin’ about) and after seeing her live, the “high” can last for weeks. Amazing. I’ve written to her a few times during my younger years…never expecting to get an answer and never did. haha But, her staff probably received an eye-opening look inside my wrecked up life at the time. I love her deeply although I’m not a delusional fan…I’m not a fan who over steps the boundaries…in other words, I don’t care where she lives. It would be a dream to meet her one day just to tell her the impact she’s made on my life. AND, there are ways (expensive ways) where I could definitely make that happen but there’s also a part of me that doesn’t want to be disappointed. Seriously, what could I possibly say in 60 seconds? Especially when for the first 45 seconds, I’d be standing there with my jaw to the floor looking stupid and emotional. So, it’s probably best that I hold onto the fantasy…my dreams are so much more lengthy and Academy Award worthy anyway.
I cannot lie, Bette comes in and out of my life…as I said at the beginning of this post, I’m a fan of entertainment. Other artists tickle my musical senses…I have a wide range of interests ranging from Blue Eyed Soul and Motown to Metallica to Lady Gaga and show tunes. But, I always return to Bette. The other day, while driving…I had the Ipod on shuffle and the song “Drinking Again” came on. I haven’t listened to that song in YEARS! My…what a treat to my ears!! Young Bette Midler…in the days before I truly appreciated her artistry. The sound of her voice…so sultry, edgy and non-commercial. Just Bette and a piano. I still have this occasional dream…in it, Bette tours very small venues where it’s just her and someone playing a baby grand. I’d love to rewind my life back to the days where this dream could have come true…had I listened to a gay male friend of mine who tried to turn me on to Bette Midler 2 years before I found her myself…DAMN! Kick myself in the ass moment. Oh well…C’est la vie!!!
Fast forward to September 11, 2001…my country was attacked. I’ll never forget that day…I don’t think any American ever will OR could for that matter. The scenario…It was a beautiful morning. My partner was home with me and I was getting ready for my day while watching Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America…then it happened…the first plane flew into one of the Twin Towers. I called my partner into the bedroom and we watched in horror…thinking it was a horrible and tragic accident. Then as we continued to watch, the 2nd plane hit the towers and word came out that 4 passenger jets had been hijacked by terrorists….the 3rd plane crashed into the Pentagon and the 4th, Flight 93, went down in Pennsylvania..the passengers aboard that flight attempted to overcome the terrorists but they were unsuccessful…all died in the crash. If it weren’t for the heroic effort of those onboard, who knows what would have occurred? Most believe that the White House was the next target. Frightened to the core, I believe that this was the beginning of my anxiety disorder…I thank the terrorists very much for my new life that would become riddled with fear. No longer would I fly in any aircraft which makes traveling extremely difficult. However, I’m planning on overcoming this particular fear next year or the beginning of 2012 when we plan a trip of a lifetime for my 50th birthday. Anyway, for that entire day and night, I watched and listened for the sound of airplanes…there was none…the sky was silent, strange, and eerie. It heightened my fear. My partner suggested putting a Bette comedy in the DVD player…so I did…”Down and Out in Beverly Hills”. The opening scene contains an Arab character. HA! Unbelievable that this was the movie I chose! But, continued to watch and eventually fell off to sleep. For weeks, I was drawn and obsessed with the news coverage…not good. It made my anxiety worse but couldn’t stay away. Our beloved NYC…Death and Dust…Broadway was dark…Firefighters, hero defined…telethons being televised AND a memorial at Yankee Stadium. This was what I needed…what the world needed…closure, prayer, angels hovering, and an angel singing. Forever, a path to my solace…every road leads back.
I’m going to leave you with my favorite joke from one of Bette’s stage characters, Sophie Tucker…
“I will never forget it you know….I was in the woods last night with my boyfriend Ernie. He said to me “Soph, these woods sure are dark, I wish I had a flashlight.” I said to him, “So do I Ernie. You’ve been munching grass for the last ten minutes!”
Hahahahahaha!! Still makes me laugh!! but it’s way funnier to hear Bette tell it.
Til next time!
Many thanks to Don at Bootleg Betty for supplying me with the video clip I so desperately searched for. xoxo Want to learn more about Bette?? You can find EVERYTHING about her at Bootleg Betty the best Bette weblog on the internet!
So, we went out the other night…had some bad sushi, went to a neighborhood VFW and witnessed the most hysterical karaoke I’ve ever seen, and then visited a friend who is a bartender at a Portuguese club. I swear, my life is a cartoon. IT IS!! We had a few drinks…some shots of Tia Maria. I’ve never had that before. It was good, tasted like Kahlua. Watched my friend work hard for peanuts all night after working all day driving a school bus. As she served cheap booze to a bunch of drunk men, a couple of them started chatting with me and my partner…bought us drinks and we bought a couple for them…seemed innocent enough. THEN, it started…”come over to my house for a party”, “I want to make love to you”, “Please, I just want to cuddle”. No…No, and NO! Don’t get me wrong, we were laughing the entire time…it was funny and they were harmless. I love men, truly I do…sometimes I find men easier to be friends with than women and I have quite a few “straight” male friends whom I love dearly! But, sometimes when we’re out having a good time, drinking some cocktails, and chatting it up with some great guys…to avoid them getting the wrong idea, we’ll honestly tell them that we’re gay and we’re together, THEN… all of a sudden, they become more intrigued! They want to watch OR join us. HELLO! Just because we’re lesbians does NOT mean we have sex all the time and it certainly does NOT mean that we want to have sex with strange men. We’re gay and monogamous. We have no interest in having sex with men. Please don’t be offended…but lesbians are just not interested. OK?? No matter how many times you ask, how nicely you ask, OR how many drinks we’ve had…the answer will still be no. What IS the fascination anyway? I find it a scream that anyone still finds my sexual relationship fascinating…I mean, seriously, I’m 48 and my girlfriend is even older. haha That being said, there are so many things more interesting than middle-aged women having sex. After some research, here are a few things that I found fascinating.
Cubatao (The Valley Of Death) – Located in Brazil, Cubatao has the highest levels of pollution in the world…so high in fact, that it was compared to what one could expect to see living on the outskirts of a nuclear blast zone. After an oil spill in 1984, Cubatao (with the help of US funding) has made some significant progress in cleaning things up…. but it will take many, many years to make any drastic changes. Hopefully, they will continue on this positive path.
Being on the Weight Watchers point system over a month now and successfully losing almost 20 lbs…with more to lose…I found the following extremely fascinating. It IS possible to lose weight without exercise or changing your eating habits. How?? Well, you’ll have to go to Mars. YES! Mars holds the scientific secret to weight loss! The gravitational pull on Mars is only 38% of what it is on Earth. So, if you weigh 100 lbs. on Earth, you would only weight 38 on Mars! When’s the next NASA lift-off???
Being left-handed myself, I find lefties very fascinating. Did you know that 4 of the 5 original designers of the Macintosh were left-handed? Or that 4 of the last 6 Presidents of the US were left-handed? Bill Clinton, George H.W. Bush, Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford, Harry Truman, Herbert Hoover, and James Garfield were all lefties. Left handed people are more creative but forgetful according to the American Psychological Association. Another fascinating fact…in 300BC, the 4th finger of the left hand was chosen as the wedding ring finger because doctors at that time believed that there was a nerve in that finger that ran directly to the heart!! How romantic is THAT??
So, to all you wonderful men out there who are fascinated by lesbians…get your minds out of the gutter and start looking at all the TRULY fascinating and wonderous things that the world has to offer you. Next time I’m out at a bar, I’ll be happy to share a drink and discuss what you’ve found!!
On this Easter Sunday, I look at these two beautiful faces and pray for their families. It leaves me devastated that there are children in this country who have to endure such torment, humiliation, and relentless attacks from schoolmates…enough in fact, to end their lives by suicide.
Phoebe Prince, a 15-year-old Irish immigrant, who recently moved to Massachusetts with her family, hanged herself in January after months of being bullied and taunted at the public school she attended. Nine students have been arrested on charges ranging from statutory rape to harassment and stalking. I look at her picture and I wonder…what was it that provoked these 9 kids to torture her? Did she speak differently? Could it REALLY be something as small as that? Yes, as ridiculous as that sounds…because Jon Carmichael was constantly bullied because of his height.
Jon Carmichael 13, an 8th grader at a public middle school in Texas was picked on for years because he was smaller than all the other kids in his class. Jon had friends…was well liked, a good student but the “bigger” kids were relentless bullies going as far as stuffing him inside a trash can. Jon took his own life by hanging himself inside a barn last Sunday.
Let’s face it…kids are mean. I work on a school bus everyday with kids this age. If I was ever to hear any name calling, threat, or harassment of any kind…it would not be tolerated. I just can’t understand how these two examples of bullying went unnoticed? Actually, I don’t believe that it went unnoticed…No one took any action…that’s what happened!!! INFURIATING!!!! If you are a parent, do you have your eyes and ears closed to the conversations and online activity between your kids and their friends? If you are a teacher, Principal, guidance counselor, school administration worker, maintenance man…do you keep your eyes and ears closed when an incident arises in the hallways of your school? If so, we’re failing our kids. As a society, we need to be involved, aware and we need to realize that it IS our responsibility. Listed below are some ways where we can make a difference.
Signs to look for if you suspect a child is being bullied:
Loneliness, depression, feeling sick or anxious, missing school, low self-esteem, thoughts of suicide.
Focus on what the child is telling you and be supportive. Don’t blame the child being bullied by asking them what they did to provoke it. Gather as much information as possible about the incident (names and witnesses). Don’t push the child to strike back…it could make matters much worse.
Contact school officials. Do not contact the parents of the bully…this could backfire and make matters worse for the child being bullied. Be clear and factual about the information you received from your child. Leave your emotions at the door..as difficult as that may be, it will help you to get a clear message through to officials. Ask what you can do at the school to become more involved. Keep communication open with your child AND school officials…ask questions daily.
Help your child to not become a victim of bullying. Notice where their talents lie…athletic, arts, academics… Encourage them to become more involved in school activities. Help them to find relationships outside of school and encourage them to find the “friendly” kids in school. Maybe a teacher could help by assigning student teams for school projects. Teach your child how to seek out help if they’re being bullied and make sure they know WHO to go to. Ask YOURSELF not the child what it could be about your child that provokes bullying? Then, seek the help of a guidance counselor.
Make sure that home is the safe and loving environment providing protection…Always keep your lines of communication open.
The new age of bullying…THE CYBER BULLY.
Parents….please…be aware of your child’s online activity. Keep their computer easily visible to you and ask them what they’re doing. Ask them if they’ve ever received threatening emails or text messages? Find out if they’ve ever seen a negative blog or Facebook message about them? Talk about the dangers of cyber-bullying and let your child know that it’s unacceptable behavior. Tell them that they should report the incident to you regardless if it involves your own child or someone your child knows. Do not delete the evidence…print it out or save it to your computer. Report it to authorities and if the cyber-bullying has taken place on a school internet system, the school has the responsibility to intervene.
Kids reading this…respect each other. Find your conscious. Be responsible and report any incidents of bullying to someone of authority. Take a stand…you could save someone’s life. Someone could have saved the lives of Phoebe, Jon and all the other victims of bullying who have ended their pain by suicide. Don’t let that powerful message go unnoticed. Remember them the next time you see someone getting pushed around. And, Please…if you are the victim of bullying. Don’t give up. There are people who will help you…speak up, find your voice, be strong and courageous. Your life is important.
“Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad World”
I love birds…all kinds but mostly wild birds. Actually, I wish all birds were left to the wild. I can’t stand to see them caged. They need to fly. Watching a bird fly…what a beautiful representation of freedom. Sometimes I wish I could fly with them, in their company. FREE. SPIRIT. As high as I could go…I would. Climbing. Soaring. THEN…diving and swooping down…down as close to the ocean without touching it well, maybe my claws would skim the water…skipping like a stone. Then I’d find a ray of sunshine and make that my path of flight feeling the heat of the sun on my wings. Heaven. My soul flying.
One of my favorite songs ever…Neil Young’s “Birds” performed by my lifelong favorite lady…Bette Midler (Live 1976).
“Nestle in your wings my little one.
The special morning brings another sun.
Tomorrow, see the things that do not come
today.
And you see me fly away without you.
My shadow falling on the things you know.
My feathers, they fall all around you,
they show you the way to go.
Hey, baby. It’s over, baby. It’s over, baby.
I got to fly away. I got to fly away.
Gonna close my eyes and I will fly away.”
It’s been a Mary J Blige kind of music day…I love her. The epitome of a strong woman.
I am so lucky. My soul has been touched by a few people throughout my life. When it happens, it feels like my heart explodes…Last night, it exploded wide open with absolute joy. I had to pinch myself a few times to make sure it was real and it was….thank goodness. I shared food, drink, human touch, and beautiful talk with my “T”…my soul mother. This is how I will forever refer to her from this day forward. The connection with her during my youth was strong…then there was that loooooooooooooooooooooong absence but yet, the connection was still there in heart and mind…now she’s back in my life and I’m so very grateful. I’m mostly thankful for Facebook, without it, this never would have happened.
Other soul connections…
Children touch my soul…sometimes they reach in grab it and play with it like a toy. Again, I’m lucky. I work with kids on a daily basis. It’s not easy work even though many think little of school bus drivers and monitors. One day on the bus, carrying around 40 elementary kids, I swear that every single one was screaming my name at the same time! Their complaints…This one’s crying…that one won’t be my friend…so and so said a bad word…it’s constant with elementary. I have been sick almost this entire school year…what these kids catch, I have caught too…does that mean I push a kindergartener away because she just said, “Debbie, my belly hurts. I throwed up (not a typo) last night”? I can’t do it. But, I have been rewarded time and time again. Just yesterday, I received artwork and I love you’s. Children have the most gorgeous souls and spirits and I am honored to be in their presence everyday. Middle school age…different story. haha I wish kids could go from elementary age directly to high school. Wow, tough…it scares me that my niece is approaching this age. She’s going through a tough time right now and it kills me. She’s suffering from growing pains…body changes and body image issues. I remember going through this stuff as a kid but it’s worse today. She is another soul connection. She is so much like me in many ways. From the day I was in that delivery room documenting her birth on video…I was hooked. Our hearts are connected. I love her more than life. Today, I’m feeling her pain and while listening to Mary J Blige this morning, I came across the song “Each Tear”. I’m gifting this video to her for her Ipod. It’s so perfect.
My Love…she gets into my soul deeper than anyone has ever been able to. With her, is complete openness, honesty, I am my true being…because she lets me be me…and I so appreciate that. We’re complete opposites but it works…she nurtures my soul and comforts my anxiety. She’s quiet and soft-spoken, funny, smart, romantic, compassionate, sweet, hard-working and I love her with all that I have. As long as we’re together, I know I’ll be ok.
Thank you to all my soul connections…and there are a few that I have not mentioned in this blog but know, I’m so thankful for you! My life’s JUST FINE!!!
I don’t like being judged…especially by those who don’t even know me. I try not to judge others…because who am I to judge someone else, really? I don’t walk in your shoes, and you don’t walk in mine either. I walk this earth with the best intentions and until you prove to me otherwise, I’ll believe the same about you. Living practically my entire life as a lesbian, I’ve had my share of judgements cast upon me. Just last weekend, my partner and I walked into a restaurant to grab some breakfast and this guy, sitting at a table with his family, could not keep his eyes off of us…I mean, his eyes were popping out of the sockets and his jaw practically hit the ground. You can probably tell by looking at us that we’re a couple BUT he made me feel completely out-of-place and uncomfortable. THEN, the words just came out of my mouth…I said, “staring are we?” He never answered me, he just looked at me dumbfounded and then I went and sat down because I could feel my blood pressure rising. I have to wonder, what was he thinking about us? I can’t lie…it bothers me when I feel that someone is thinking the worst of me. It makes me want to prove to the world that my standards and morals are high. Why should I feel that way? Seriously, I don’t even know that man…and I shouldn’t care what he thinks of me…but, I do. I know people, and not just gay people, who could care less about what people think of them. I WISH I could be like that!!! I guess I was brought up differently or something. I follow the rules almost ALWAYS. ha-ha I don’t cheat at games and I won’t cheat on my girlfriend OR my taxes. I adhere to most of the rules at work…the important ones anyway. I get laughed at because I am so “to the book” about things. I don’t like to lie and if I’m around a person who is about to lie about something, I’ll try to change their mind. I’m far from perfect…in fact, I have many imperfections…I’m human. I’m never satisfied with my looks. NEVER!!! I get totally stressed out way too easily. I’m usually always running late. AND…I can be extremely selfish. You know? None of us are perfect…and I wish people would remember this when they’re about to cast a stone of judgement. Just because I live my life with a woman does not automatically mean that I live my life without morals…not all of us are promiscuous…we all want the same thing, don’t we? A love that will last forever. Not everyone is willing to do the work that goes with “forever”. I do the work and I’ll keep working at it. So please, don’t judge me based on what you imagine is going on in my bedroom….because there is so much more to me than sex. Love is never wrong.
I think I dislike rain more than snow. Especially because I’m a school bus monitor and I’m in and out of the bus…walking in puddles…and getting drenched…even with an umbrella. Besides that, we’ve been dealing with my partner’s mother’s basement flooding. It’s a complete disaster and when we get heavy rain (like the rain we’re getting today) the entire backyard becomes a river and the sump pumps can’t keep up. So, my fingers and toes are all crossed today with hope that the rain will slow down some.
There was a time when I loved the rain. Just the sound of it was romantic. Have you ever felt that way? A wonderful rainy day comes along and you stay at home with your sweetheart and cuddle, watch some old movies, open up a bottle of wine. Where the hell did that feeling go?? I’ll go back even further…as a child. Who didn’t love puddle jumping??? The summer smell of freshly fallen rain hitting the cement? Riding our bicycles through puddles to see who could make the biggest splash? I mean really…does it have to be depressing? No…it doesn’t.
Rain…with rain comes green. Green grass and green leaves…rain renews life. Flowers grow, birds sing and play in it, my car looks cleaner than it did yesterday. Spring is here…the winter is behind us…and summer is within reach. The more rain, the less drought and less water shortages…we’ll be able to keep our sprinkler systems running during the hot months so our lawns and gardens will remain looking beautiful. With rain comes rainbows…I love rainbows! I’m gay, it’s a prerequisite.
So…yes, it’s raining again. I’m going to think about the good things and remember that I have no control over it. Hopefully, the sun will come out tomorrow.
I live for the live performer and NEED to see at least 2 major concerts a year. So, when the decision came yesterday as to which summer concert I would attend this year…it was a tough one. Lady Gaga returns to North America with her bigger and bolder version of the “Monster Ball” and the “Lilith Fair” returns after a 10 year absence. I’ve experienced both concerts before. Lady Gaga is an incredible performance artist…REAL…and true to her vision of what she wants to accomplish in music history. The new pop queen…a classically trained musician who wows you with her energy, sexuality, and most important…her voice. The Lilith Fair first came about in 1997-1999 thanks to Sarah McLachlan. A festival and celebration of women in music. 3 stages set about different areas of the venue. I was there in ‘99 and witnessed on the same stage, Sarah, Sheryl Crow, The Pretenders, Me’shell Ndegeocello, Mya, Suzanne Vega, Aimee Mann, Beth Orton and more. This time around the list of performers is even more impressive and that tipped the scale toward Lilith. http://www.lilithfair.com/artists
I remember my first concert…I had to be 10 years old. My best friend and her mom invited me to see Seals and Crofts and Harry Chapin. Seeing such greatness at such a young age, formed my appreciation for the art of the “live performer”. The list of greatness that I’ve witnessed in my lifetime is huge and impossible to write about in one blog so, as I keep writing and memories resurface, I’ll share them with you. Harry Chapin died in 1981…I can’t say that I appreciated him at age 10 but as the years went by and the songs “Taxi” and “Cats in the Cradle” became staples in music history..I became extremely grateful to my friend’s mom for sharing that concert ticket with me.
So, I look forward to Lilith Fair…the reimergence of Sarah Mclachlan who will mesmerize with a piano, a sweet voice, and a beautiful heart….Her, along with a lineup of phenomenal female artists and sharing the experience with a group of female friends should make for a great summer concert and wonderful lasting memories.
I’m having the most wonderfully confusing week (if you can understand that one). *wink* Strange, I know because normally, people wouldn’t use the words wonderful and confusing in the same sentence…but in this instance, it does jive…bare with me.
I’m one who has a lot on my plate…ALL the time. I have so many people who depend on me. Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t so dependable. Seriously, don’t you ever envy those who can just toss things aside and not care? I care…way too much and this caring has led me to make some not so great decisions in the past. Especially when I’ve come to a fork in the road…which way do I go??? UGH! I struggle for the answer ALWAYS and then in my experience, many times, I’ve chosen the wrong path. So, here I am again…I have a choice to make and I should only base it on what is the best decision for me and my partner…only my head and my heart tug and pull me in all different directions. Does everyone go through this? If y’all do…man it sucks, doesn’t it? I mean, I don’t want to sound all “important” and that those around me can’t live without me but…I am needed. And it’s that need that keeps me in place…PLUS…I’ve started a business, and now THAT needs me too. For real, I did not need this NEW decision put on the table. I was already on a chosen path and BOOM…a roadblock…a fork…a crossroad. Just recently, I’ve decided that I don’t like to give advice anymore. Most people don’t take it anyway and end up doing what they want to do regardless of what I say. ha ha It’s wasted breath. But, regardless, I don’t want to be responsible for swaying anyone’s life decisions…we need to make up our own minds about where we take our lives…find our own paths.
So…this week I had jury duty for a civil lawsuit. EVERYONE usually hates jury duty and there was one day during the trial, where I really wanted to strangle the plaintiff’s lawyer for being so OVER dramatic…repeating things…taking forEVER to examine and cross examine…constantly shuffling through papers and what not. But, what a learning experience this was. Everyone should experience it at least once in their lives. Besides, you’re doing your civic duty and it will make you feel proud, trust me. The process of what happens during your time as a juror can be applied to these life questions that I mentioned above. You listen without bias to each side, gather all the evidence, dig through that evidence and come up with an answer. The right answer…I mean, It should be simple, right? IF we follow the steps and take our time with it instead of making rash decisions. We should…”I” should be able to come up with the right path to take. *FINGERS CROSSED*
To celebrate St. Patrick’s Day…I’m dedicating this blog to the “KISS”. Sweet, gentle, hard, passionate, juicy, wild, sensitive, TENDER, kissing. Who doesn’t love to kiss? Kissing is the most intimate form of showing love, NO? Do you remember your first kiss? I do…only, I’m not talking boys. I’m talking my first time kissing a girl. My first kiss just cemented the fact that I was gay. It was awkward but nice…and I’d like to thank her for kissing me on a dare. Yes, we were dared while hanging out with our theater group at a gay bar in Newport, RI. I guess I liked it a little too much because I wanted to keep doing it…I was able to steal a few more experimental kisses on different occasions before she let me down very nicely and told me that she wasn’t gay. I was heartbroken and embarrassed…but I knew it felt right to me and so my journey began to find a girl who wanted to kiss me back.
What makes a good kiss? HA! I’m not going into those details…my family could be reading this. Hahaha But, I will say…the perfect kiss is one shared between two people who really, deeply care about each other. When this kiss happens, your soul is touched and seduced. Incredible.
I chose a fun song about kissing from the GREAT Melissa Etheridge…
“Your kiss is like medicine
a prescription to ecstasy
and your mind is my playground
look at what I’ve found lying next to me”
KISS ME!
Now go out and find your own perfect kisses! Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
I was scheduled for jury duty today and it ended up being cancelled so…I’m driving around in my car, figured I’d head to the office, plugged my iPod in and placed it on shuffle. Some down time to enjoy my incredibly good taste in music. Ha ha! Well, the damn songs coming through my speakers this morning were freaking me out!! SERIOUSLY! Ok…when I started this blog a few weeks ago, I named it…”Finding My Kubrick a journey”…and it’s becoming just that! A journey of self discovery. It frightens me at times and I wonder why at this time in my life this is happening? Am I dying? Hopefully not but I’m feeling a spiritual tug…someone/something is pushing me to reflect. So, I’m not going to fight it…I’m just going to go with the flow and let it happen.
The Heart Of The Matter by Don Henley
Wow…such a masterpiece lyrically. It’s about a man who has just learned that the woman he had once loved has found another…putting a finality on the ended relationship. It’s a love letter to her…reflecting on what happened to “them”. So many beautiful thoughts run through this song…you can cut it up and make the lyrics about life in general, not just about a wrecked up relationship.
“The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down
to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about…forgiveness
Forgiveness”
Forgiveness…what a powerful word and action! To be able to completely forgive is not easy. But we must…you have to in order to move on with your life without harboring ill feelings…besides, it’s what makes people old. I’m TELLING you! A few years ago..I truly felt old. A crotchety old lady living inside the shell of a 40-year-old. I was holding onto this shit…some of it small and ridiculous and some of it huge and lifelong. My partner, who has the delightful experience of hearing my innermost thoughts *I’m snickering as I write this*…told me that I needed to let this crud go. I knew she was right. So, I started with the HUGE first and worked down to the teensy grudges that I’d been holding onto. It allowed a wall to come down that I, unknowingly had put up for quite some time. However, I said forgive…that does not mean that I’ve forgotten. Forgetting makes us naive and naked of the life experience.
“these times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
and people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
I have to admit, that the past 10 years could make you lose faith in Humanity. People are losing it…9/11, WAR, Columbine, Virginia Tech, Child Rapists and Killers, Mothers killing their own children…the news is excruciating to watch. I’m a news freak and it’s probably not a good idea that I’m so connected to the media but I can’t help it. So, yes, because of this, I need the Tenderness….I LOVE the tenderness! A touch…a smile…a hug…a tender kiss…soft words…the love of a child, innocent and pure, just a pat on the head makes them smile. Love CAN survive…try a little tenderness. People will react accordingly.
I’ve been trying to get down
to the heart of the matter
But everything changes
and my friends seem to scatter
But I think it’s about…forgiveness
Forgiveness
Today, I feel as if I’ve come full circle. Have you ever felt that? I totally recommend it…It’s an amazingly joyful, spiritual and emotional experience. I wish for everyone to have this moment once in their lives but today…I’m glad it’s all mine. I’m holding it close to my heart and never letting it go again.
As a 15-year-old, like most teens, I was a lost soul. Finding my religion, my sexual identity, and dealing with the divorce of my parents made for a confusing time. I had a lot of responsibility…being alone now, my mom worked a lot. I also had to work, had school, and had to take care of my sister who was 5 years younger than me. I remember just wanting to go away…far away…preferably California. It was during this time, being Catholic, I was about to make my confirmation and was required to go on a weekend retreat. Imagine the thrill!! haha NOT. I fought tooth and nail to get out of it…nothing worked…had to go. Got on a bus and headed out to hang with a bunch of people I didn’t even know. Lots of emotion..anger being one. Little did I know that this would be life changing. The object of a spiritual retreat is obviously, to bring you closer to God and if all goes as it should, you are rebaptized…and I was.
“T” was one of a group of adults who were there to share and speak during the weekend…and almost instantly, there was a connection…a strong one. Where she was…there was warmth and I was drawn to it. The retreat ended but this did not end my involvement with the church. I went on many more retreats and became a group leader myself…very involved in trying to help other teens find their way. My relationship with “T” continued to grow. I wanted to be with her all the time…I’m sure I was a nuisance but she never, EVER made me feel like I was bothering her. She unselfishly spent time with me…inviting me into her life. To this day, I don’t know why it was me out of all those kids? Why was I the lucky one to be given such a gift? If I needed her, she was there…I needed to talk on the phone…she was there. I continued my journey in trying to find who I was…supressing feelings of attraction to the same-sex, I had a boyfriend but actually thought about becoming a nun. Being gay back then was NOT what it is today. Coming out was FRIGHTENING while today, I have friends who view it as a celebration of finding themselves and teens think nothing of expressing their sexuality by being proud of who they are. For me, it was not that way and at 15 I was searching for a way to be able to live my life keeping this huge secret hidden OR even better…to make it go away. I never told “T” my secret until our last meeting a few years later….I didn’t have to. She was a safe haven for me. When I was with her, I wasn’t different and my mind was busy with other things. Music! Oh…what gifts of music she gave me. Songs that I still carry with me. Special memories resurface with every note and lyric. Those are precious to me and remain private.
The last time I saw her, a few years had gone by and I was out of the closet…I was maybe 21 years old. I had drifted from the church and obviously, did not become a nun. Instead, I was hitting the gay bars, working jobs that paid enough for me to enjoy my newly found sexual freedom and partying ALOT. Anyway, It was a bittersweet meeting and I guess, it became a goodbye because I never saw her again. That being said, I thought of her often over the years….wondered where her life had taken her…if she was happy…if she was healthy… but didn’t really know how to go about finding the answers?
Fast forward 30+ years…technology is my friend. I love everything about it…I love the social aspect of the internet….Facebook, Twitter, now WordPress. My life today is almost a complete open book except for those things I know should be kept private. I have incredible support from my family, friends, coworkers. I have a wonderful life with my partner of almost 13 years. Life is good. Imagine my surprise when I did a friend search last week for my “T”…I had searched before and came up empty-handed but this time was GOLDEN! There she was…I knew that face…that smile…that warmth. We spoke yesterday and her voice was so familiar and beautiful…it was so important to me to be able to tell her the difference that she made in my life and to be able to thank her…because before yesterday, I never did.
As I write this, I’m advising you to hold on to those who are special to you. Don’t let them go…you’ll lose. I lost years of a beautiful friendship and I regret it.
“T” on this day…your Birthday…I honor you. An amazing woman who made a difference in the life of a young girl. You are partly responsible for the person I am today. I thank you and I love you dearly.
On March 9th, the new issue of Cosmopolitan hits the stands and adorning the cover is the NEW Queen of pop music, Lady Gaga. The photos that I’ve seen so far are visually stunning and the interview should be one of intelligence and honesty. She’s been seen everywhere lately…even though, as I write this, she’s touring Europe with the Monster Ball, she’s also been busy working promotions with Cyndi Lauper for a new line of MAC lipsticks . With each purchase, every cent made will go to those affected with HIV/AIDS. Not only are they promoting the lipstick but they’re raising awareness about the importance of safe sex. Gaga says, “I hope that women buy this lipstick…honor themselves and honor the cause.” I can’t get enough and I can’t say enough about this girl…who, at only 23, (and as her latest single “Telephone” continues its rise to the top), she more than likely will tie Mariah Carey as the female with most #1’s on the Pop Billboard chart. If “Telephone” does reach the top, it will be the sixth number one single for Gaga. Quite an accomplishment for a career that’s fairly new to the scene. That being said, don’t think for a minute that she’s new to NYC…she started playing the clubs at age 14…honing her work behind a piano and before live audiences. She made it to the top the old-fashioned way…hard work and determination.
Gaga is definitely, without a doubt, the most controversial performer to come around in quite some time. Compared to Bowie, Queen, Madonna, and Elton John to name a few…not a bad list to be compared to. There is one performer that I haven’t heard Gaga compared to and I can’t understand WHY?? That person is CHER! Back in the ’70s and ’80s, Cher was one of the most flamboyantly designed performers in pop music. While Cher worked closely with designer Bob Mackie, Lady Gaga also has her favorite designers. Among them was Alexander McQueen who sadly ended his own life in February of this year. Gaga also has her own design team named “Haus Of Gaga”. “Haus” is behind the scenes working their creative ideas and bringing them to Gaga for approval. Sometimes she’ll go with it other times no. She has the final say…always. Musically though, there is no real comparison to Cher. Gaga is a classically trained musician..but for style and uniqueness, yes. Both are rebels in their own right…and audiences eat it up…Can’t wait to see what design is next!
Those who don’t “get” her…It’s simple…Gaga is about being an individual…being who you are and being proud of that. Say what you will about Lady Gaga…put her on the top of every worst dressed list…say that she’s packing a penis…she doesn’t flinch. In fact..she’ll address it, telling concert goers that she’s been told she has a BIG d*#@! When I asked an 11 yr. old the other day what kind of music she likes? She said “I like the Black Eyed Peas, Beyoncé, and Lady Guy Guy. Lady Guy Guy?? I had to laugh because I hadn’t heard that one yet. But, you know what? Gaga would probably giggle too. And THAT is a beautiful message to send out to the world that we live in today …especially to our kids. It’s OK to be different.
During his January State Of The Union address…President Obama pledged to end “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”. Well, as I watched the faces, complete with downturned smiles, of the Military leaders in the room that night…I figured, it would be a tough challenge. I also thought to myself, “why is President Obama doing this now”? Could it be the negative feedback from the gay community who overwhelmingly supported Obama over Hillary Clinton? I agree wholeheartedly that there is a full plate in Washington right now but again, WHY NOW? Why THIS issue? Why not tackle another issue? How about Federal Rights not covered by a civil union such as, social security benefits? Or being able to file jointly on our income taxes? I can’t help but wonder if they thought overturning “Don’t ask Don’t tell” would be an easier way to quiet the fire? After all, they do need us….However, asking for a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repeal, to me, felt as if we’re being fed a bisquit…while an important issue, I don’t think it’s at the top of the list. We’re being appeased. We ARE voters. It is no secret that the Democratic Party is worried about the November elections. They have good cause to be worried. Statistics and Polls are way down… a recent CNN poll has shown a huge drop in young voters…they’re also losing confidence in the Democratic Party. Lose the young vote AND lose the gay community’s vote and that’s a lot of votes! Anyway, now that Obama has said that he wants to do away with the law…what is the hold up? Why do top military officials want a year of study before the overturn? It’s easy to see that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell won’t be that easy of a law to repeal. Gen. George W. Casey Jr. says “I do have serious concerns about the impact of repeal of the law on a force that is fully engaged in two wars and has been at war for eight and a half years” “We just don’t know the impacts on readiness and military effectiveness” then, Gen. Norton Schwartz, added “this is not the time to perturb the force that is, at the moment, stretched by demands in Iraq and Afghanistan and elsewhere without careful deliberation.” Do most men and women in combat, really care about a person’s sexual preference? If so, I’d like to know why? Because I’m having a hard time believing this. Is the problem really the young men and women fighting these wars who would have a problem with the repeal? OR is it those who they take command from? Another thing, just because the law may be repealed does not mean that every gay/lesbian in the armed forces is going to march toward enemy lines carrying their rainbow flags…don’t worry…the majority, unfortunately, will still serve their Country, fight for their Country, and die for their Country…within the darkness of their closet.
Today, I started writing about politics and then ended up in a debate on Facebook…that took a downward turn. I’m not going to pretend that I’m completely educated on the subject because I am not. I hated politics almost my whole life…..YAWN….and then BOOM…9/11….war….the historic 2008 election. We all need to get educated. Don’t just sit on your tush if you don’t like/don’t trust what your Government is proposing. Take a stand. Speak your mind. Voicing your opinion and learning from it is better than saying nothing at all.
Enough of that…American Idol is on and it’s boys night. I’ll list the performances and give my opinion on my favorite fluff!
Todrick Hall – Took the Kelly Clarkson Pop hit “Since You’ve Been Gone” and transformed it into a Bobby Brownesque disaster. I appreciated that he tried to make it his own but…that was not good, Dawg!
Aaron Kelly – I just wanted to grab this boy and hug him to death. He was so scared!! However, even though his voice was shaky at times…he sang the Rascal Flatt song “Here Comes Goodbye” just beautifully. Definitely this years David Archuletta.
Jermaine Sellers – Oh man. No. Soulful until he hit the higher register and then it got so screechy that it hurt to listen..and the majority of it sounded off-key to me…not good. Simon, tell it like it is, Bro.
Tim Urban – They brought this kid back? My pick to send home. I, “Apologize”, Tim!!!
Joe Munoz – Very nice even though I didn’t know the song. Am I the only one?? I know it’s a Jason Mraz song but , I never heard it before. Love the latin flavor in his voice.
Tyler Grady – Poser? Actually, Tyler is really likeable, but he seems to think he’s way better than what he is vocally. I want to hear more though.
Lee Dewyze – Like Lee…love the sound of his voice and LOVE the song “Chasing Cars”. He went off key a few times but as the weeks go on, he’ll improve. My favorite so far.
John Park – “God Bless The Child” Please future Idol contestants…do not sing this song, ever. Incredible song… but not for Idol. Did Fantasia sing it? Someone from a past Idol season sang it and sang it really well. If anyone out there knows the answer, fill me in!
Michael Lynche – Love his voice…the best vocal performance hands down. Hate the song though. Never “got” the Maroon 5 craze.
BREAK: Kara annoys me to no end. I want Paula back.
10. Alex Lambert – Cool sound to his voice but totally uncomfortable onstage. Needs work but worth keeping around.
11. Casey James – I’m in “Heaven” and on board the Casey train. Love him. Excellent!!!!! *Laughing at Simon calling Kara a cougar* Why must she be so incredibly irritating??
12. Andrew Garcia – Such natural, raw talent! I liked his rendition of the Fall Out Boy song and can’t understand why the judges didn’t? He’s not going anywhere!
My picks to go home: Tim Urban and Todrick Hall…bring on the results!!
This is a short post today, but I just wanted to blog that I found the one thing I like about Boston. *DRUM ROLL*!!!!! Driving over the Leonard P. Zakim Bunker Hill Memorial Bridge…it’s beautiful at night and even makes you feel at ease momentarily while driving through the Boston traffic. However, I had forgotten about the crazy drivers in Boston. Truly, I do not think that Rhode Island even comes close on the “worst drivers” list. My heart was in my mouth a few times. Had a wonderful time at the party though!!! It was worth driving through the city to get there!!! Limoncello over ice…Mmmmmmmm!
I’m heading into Massachusetts this afternoon for a birthday party and I dread the drive through Boston. Am I the only person on earth who doesn’t like Boston? Home of Fenway and the Red Sox, the rich history, the museums, theaters, restaurants, Duck tours, Chinatown, Faneuil Hall, the North End …I wonder? I keep trying to like it…honest I do. My partner comes from Boston. That alone should give me some warm and fuzzy feelings for Beantown…but alas, it doesn’t. I have one bright spot in my memories of Boston and that is my first time seeing Bette Midler in concert. October 8, 1999 at the old Boston Garden, (at the time of the concert it was the Fleet Center, and now it’s the TD Garden). A bunch of us took the train into Boston, had something to eat, made our way into the venue…NOSE BLEED seats where if you leaned a little too much forward, you would fall to your death. I’m NOT kidding!!! However, big screens and I was in the same room as my lifelong idol, all was good. Bette’s performance was above and beyond all that my imagination had dreamt it to be and a good time was had by everyone. After the show, we headed back to the train and needed to take an elevator up to the landing. We all got in the elevator, pushed the button, it started rising and that’s when it happened…it STOPPED! Have you ever been in an elevator in a train station before?? Frightening!!!!! They’re tiny, rickety, they make all kinds of scary sounds. EEEEK! I immediately felt like I was going to freak out but, thank goodness, we didn’t wait too long before the car started its upward climb again…needless to say, it was the last time I would take a train into Boston.
Songwriters make Boston sound like a wonderful place to stay. (Have they heard about the Big Dig? It’s easy to get to Logan but that’s about it!) Take Augustana’s song “Boston” About a girl looking to leave California and start a new life…somewhere better.
“I think I’ll go to Boston,
I think that I’m just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind…
I think I need a sunrise, I’m tired of the sunset,
I hear it’s nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice… oh yeah,
Boston… where no one knows my name… yeah”
First of all, would you pick up and move to Boston if you’re tired? She’ll be even MORE tired…tired of driving in circles in search of streets that aren’t there anymore…tired of the hustle and bustle of the crowds on the streets..or if she drives, there’s nothing more tiring than being stuck in Boston traffic…especially if you’re in one of those underwater tunnels. A sunrise? Boston isn’t the place that I think of when I’m daydreaming about a beautiful sunrise. I guess some could picture the sun coming up over the dirt, grime and crowded buildings, romantic. Not me. Augustana’s girl is also looking for somewhere where NO ONE knows her name…well, I hope she doesn’t visit Cheers! Because, at Cheers, EVERYONE knows your name! Right???
Another favorite song of mine…”Please Come To Boston” by Dave Loggins. A beautiful song about a rambling man who wants his lover to follow him.
“Please come to Boston for the spring time.
I’m stayin’ here with some friends
And they’ve got lots of room.
You can sell your paintings on the sidewalk
By a cafe where I hope to be workin’ soon.”
Sounds nice, right? He’s very convincing! I LOVE this girl, she’s smart and doesn’t fall for it.
“And she said, hey ramblin’ boy, why don’t you settle down Boston ain’t your kind of town
There ain’t no gold and there ain’t nobody like me”
I don’t know…maybe I’m too hard on Boston. So, this afternoon, during my drive through the city, I will search for at least ONE beautiful sight in Boston that I may have overlooked. With my opinion of the city already made, is it possible? Stay tuned.
There’s a Lady Gaga song titled, “Dance In The Dark” where she speaks, “Find your freedom in the music, find your Jesus, find your Kubrick”. You may be asking yourself, WHAT is a Kubrick? When MAYBE you should be asking, WHO was Kubrick?
Stanley Kubrick…Director, Producer, Screenwriter, Cinematographer, Film Editor, AND………CREATIVE VISIONARY? Yes, I believe so. Some of his greatest achievements were, Spartacus, 2001: A Space Odyssey, A Clockwork Orange, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket, (one of my personal faves) and his final film before his death in 1999…Eyes Wide Shut. Born in the Bronx, NY in 1928, Kubrick is a fine example of the word “passion”. As a boy, he was considered intelligent even though he was not “book smart”. Kubrick did poorly in school and never made it to college. But, one day, he received a gift from his dad…a camera. The beginning of a historic life…for without Stanley Kubrick, Film and the representation of “good vs. evil” would surely be stunted. Kubrick began building his passionate journey by taking pictures with that camera and shortly after graduating high school, he landed a job with “Look” magazine at 17 years old!! I mean, who does that?? At 17????? At 17, I was daydreaming about my career as a stage and screen actress…how I was going to find Bette Midler and she would help me. I’ll save that story for another day. Back to Kubrick. From his job at “Look”, he continued to feed his thirst for knowledge of the modern-day film, saved his money and at age 23, financed his first Documentary Short titled, “Day Of The Fight” about Boxer, Walter Cartier. “Day Of The Fight” was bought by RKO and played at the Paramount Theater where Kubrick made enough of a profit to move on to his next project. He continued on this path until he raised enough money to go to Hollywood and finance his first feature film…and so, the story continues…Like me, you can find all the information you’d like about this man who some call “the greatest director of all time” online. The point I’m trying to make is this…Kubrick found a path and followed it. How many of us actually find that path? AND, if we find the path, how many of us actually walk it?
Passion…according to Wikipedia, “Passion is an intense emotion, compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something. The term is also often applied to a lively or eager interest in or admiration for a proposal, cause, or activity or love.” I have felt passionate about so many things throughout my lifetime…always artistic and creative passions. However, I’ve yet to find the successful path that leads to complete, personal fulfillment. So, I’m on a mission to “find my Kubrick”. This blog’s purpose is to document my journey…some days might be just a few sentences while other days I may rattle on…who knows? I’ll also use this space to share with you things and people who I’m passionate about. Any darkened text in this entry is a link to media. Please right-click and “open in new window” so you won’t navigate away from the page.
Thanks for your interest! ~Deb xoxo
“I don’t think that writers or painters or filmmakers function because they have something they particularly want to say. They have something that they feel. And they like the art form; they like words, or the smell of paint, or celluloid and photographic images and working with actors. I don’t think that any genuine artist has ever been oriented by some didactic point of view, even if he thought he was.” ~Stanley Kubrick
May 17th is “International Day Against Homophobia”. I sit here and reflect on my experiences with Homophobia and realize that I’ve been very lucky and haven’t experienced anything too extreme. I’ve experienced the dirty looks and the name calling..Lesbo, Dyke, Muff-diver, etc. My relationship has gone through moments of not being recognized as important as others in the family. No one cares about my Anniversary. We’re very proud of our 13 year milestone coming up in September but will I get a card like my sister does on her anniversary? No. Believe me, if we could get married in Rhode Island and it would be recognized as equal, we would..but I wonder still, even if we did get married…would I get a card? It’s those silly things that make me feel different. I know people who have experienced the extreme. I know a gay male who went into a neighborhood gay bar on a friday night to have a few drinks with friends and ended up with a hatchet in his head. A man just walked into this bar (a bar that I’ve been in), asked if it was a gay bar, started swinging a hatchet and then fired a gun at random people. Can any of you even imagine the horror? What could have stirred such hatred? This was 4 years ago…have we moved forward? Have we educated people enough? Does it help to educate? Personally, it’s helped me. I have no issues with anyone asking me questions about my relationship as long as they are truly interested in getting to know me and the questions are respectful. In the gay community, we have a responsibility…a responsibility to pave a way for the young Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered. Regardless of sexual preference, as humans walking on the same ground, if we strive to live our lives with truth, integrity, and morals…it will only make it easier for those who follow behind us. That is why it’s important to show respect to gain respect. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be who we are…because everyone, gay or straight should be the person that they’re meant to be without fear of being humiliated or violently attacked. There is NO excuse for hate and unfortunately, hate is one of those things that never seems to go away no matter how hard we try…but we have to keep trying. PRIDE. Be proud of who you are and the relationships that you have. Live in your truth. Don’t just claim to live in your truth. Gay pride is a strong action and should not be just about wearing your rainbow colors, it’s the way you feel inside and having it exude out of your pores…you will shine if you truly are proud of the person you are. Those of you who know someone who is Gay…a friend, a family member, a co-worker…be tolerant, communicate, get informed…reach out…you’ll be surprised at what you can gain. You’ll find there is no difference in our daily lives…really. I bet we have more in common than you think.
Finding My Kubrick 
